Sleep Denier

Let me state unequivocally that I love to nap. No...more than that. I adore napping. Napping is bliss. Just a little snooze can do so much for a gal's disposition. I actually adore sleeping in general, and I am very grumpy if I get less than eight hours a night, but actually prefer nine.Yes, that's a thing! Some people like nine hours of sleep a night, okay?

My husband, on the other hand, is a sleep denier. I do not mean that he denies others the opportunity to sleep. And I do not mean that he keeps himself from sleeping. I mean that he denies it when he has been sleeping, as if there is some sort of stigma attached to it.

We'll be watching "The Daily Show" on the DVR when I'll notice a slight rumbling/snoring sound emanating from the other side of the bed. Ricky will be dozing with the remote control clutched tightly in his hand. As the show goes to a commercial, at which time fast forwarding would be appropriate, I look over at the snoring Ricky and wait for a moment. I do not do this out of consideration; I do this to have evidence. After a half a minute or so, I will wake him.

"Ricky!"

This startles him awake, and his first reaction is to make sure he is still clutching the remote. Once he is relieved to find it still there, he will begin fast forwarding through the commercials.

Me: "You were sleeping."

Ricky: "No I wasn't."

Me: "Yes you were."

Ricky: "No I wasn't."

Me: "You were snoring."

Ricky: "I know. I could hear myself snoring. That's how I know I wasn't sleeping."

(Do you see what I have to contend with here? This is why I needed to accumulate evidence.)

Me: "So why didn't you fast forward through the commercials right away?"

Ricky: "I did."

Me: "No you didn't."

Now just to pull this all back for a minute: Keep in mind that I am not accusing him of doing anything wrong! I am merely stating the fact that he had been sleeping. Why does he need to deny this? I ask him this.

Me: "Why are you denying sleeping? There's nothing wrong with sleeping."

Ricky: (No response.)

Me: "Ricky?"

Ricky: (Snore.)