Depending on how old you are, you will think this title refers to either:
1. oversize pants
2. aging body parts
If you were thinking aging body parts, then you win! Or lose, depending on how you look at it. This weekend I went to see the movie Gravity in 3D. My first observation was that 3D technology has come a long way since I last sampled it at The Muppets attraction at Disney-MGM Studios in Orlando approximately 10 years ago. My next observation was: Wait, how old is Sandra Bullock?
I already knew in advance that George Clooney was unrealistically old to be an astronaut. He owns up to it with his salt-and-pepper hair. Plus, men in Hollywood are allowed to be old. Women, however, are not. So I had a rather nebulous suspicion that Bullock was too old to be an astronaut, but I wasn't entirely sure. My unresolved thoughts about her age were floating around in my mind as I watched the movie and saw her floating around among the stars.
At first she was clad in the usual astronaut gear of bubble-helmet and baggy spacesuit. But then she stripped it off and was suddenly up there on the big screen in nothing but a clingy tank top and some kind of Spandex undies. And there was no flab! Or sag! In high definition! And 3D!
I know there's been much written about the computer-generated special effects in this film, but I thought that only related to the weightlessness and visions of space. I am now entirely convinced that there was some CGI involved in Bullock's butt (among other parts).
But maybe it was all part of the realism of the movie, because, after all, there is only one culprit responsible for our body parts' heading south, and that's GRAVITY.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Saturday, October 5, 2013
This is about sports
In case some of my readers may start to think that this blog is not rugged enough, I've decided to devote this post to giving my analysis of some of the more popular major sports.
Hockey
Good: The athleticism needed to play a full-contact, team sport while zipping around on ice skates is really impressive. The first time I saw a hockey game in person, I was amazed by how fast they were skating. They also play in a pleasantly cooled arena.
Bad: Any sport that has so little scoring that there's a statistic for how many times they tried to score has a problem. And there are abstruse rules like something called icing that requires keeping track of if the puck crossed a line first or a player did or something like that. And it's common for players to lose teeth. Really?
Final: I can see going in person occasionally.
Soccer
Bad: Similar to hockey on the scoring thing and rules. Just let them go offsides, okay? And the game running-time has an element of the mysterious to it with the unknown extra time added.
Good: Love the civil nature of showing someone a card after a foul. "He has been shown the yellow card." Even though like hockey there's not much scoring, since there are no helmets and pads, fans can entertain themselves by commenting on the players' hairstyles and muscular legs.
Final: Worth watching in bits.
Boxing
Bad: The objective is to knock a person unconscious. Please think about this. That is the stated objective.
Final: It should not exist.
Tennis
Good: Love the fashion! Fans can really see the players and feel close to them.
Bad: It's hard looking at only two people for a whole match, so the players' families and friends are shown constantly on TV giving boring or nonexistent reactions. How much do I really need to look at Brooklyn Decker? (Okay, maybe that was a bad example.)
Final: The pop culture element makes it worth it.
Baseball
Good: America's leisurely pastime. Let's face it, when we think baseball, we think food: hot dogs, pretzels, cotton candy. It's a family day out.
Bad: Americans no longer have the attention span for leisure. Snore.
Final: It's a day in the park. Literally.
Golf
Good: There's still some amusing fashion trekking around on those fairways. And for people who enjoy gardening, the views of the courses are better than watching the Home & Garden channel.
Bad: See baseball.
Final: It's a walk in the park. Almost literally.
Football
Good: There's a ton of strategizing to keep everyone entertained due to all the squads, which are mini-teams within each team. There's the offense, the defense, the kicking team, the punting team. There are substitutions after each play. Someone's always running in and running out. Different skills, different plans. Will they throw? Will they run? Will they kick the field goal or go for it on fourth down? Drama!
Bad: Concussions. Parkinson's.
Final: I watch it, but I feel guilty watching it.
Basketball
Awesome: They run a lot. They score a lot. The players' athleticism is on display every second of the game. Alley-oop plays are pure, show-boatin' entertainment. No helmets or pads (similar to soccer) allows for better viewing, with the added bonus of tank tops showing off more muscles complete with tattoos which can be deciphered if you want something more to do. Players keep all their teeth and don't suffer brain damage.
More Awesome: The best NBA team right now just happens to be the one I root for.
Final: The best sport ever.
Hockey
Good: The athleticism needed to play a full-contact, team sport while zipping around on ice skates is really impressive. The first time I saw a hockey game in person, I was amazed by how fast they were skating. They also play in a pleasantly cooled arena.
Bad: Any sport that has so little scoring that there's a statistic for how many times they tried to score has a problem. And there are abstruse rules like something called icing that requires keeping track of if the puck crossed a line first or a player did or something like that. And it's common for players to lose teeth. Really?
Final: I can see going in person occasionally.
Soccer
Bad: Similar to hockey on the scoring thing and rules. Just let them go offsides, okay? And the game running-time has an element of the mysterious to it with the unknown extra time added.
Good: Love the civil nature of showing someone a card after a foul. "He has been shown the yellow card." Even though like hockey there's not much scoring, since there are no helmets and pads, fans can entertain themselves by commenting on the players' hairstyles and muscular legs.
Final: Worth watching in bits.
Boxing
Bad: The objective is to knock a person unconscious. Please think about this. That is the stated objective.
Final: It should not exist.
Tennis
Good: Love the fashion! Fans can really see the players and feel close to them.
Bad: It's hard looking at only two people for a whole match, so the players' families and friends are shown constantly on TV giving boring or nonexistent reactions. How much do I really need to look at Brooklyn Decker? (Okay, maybe that was a bad example.)
Final: The pop culture element makes it worth it.
Baseball
Good: America's leisurely pastime. Let's face it, when we think baseball, we think food: hot dogs, pretzels, cotton candy. It's a family day out.
Bad: Americans no longer have the attention span for leisure. Snore.
Final: It's a day in the park. Literally.
Golf
Good: There's still some amusing fashion trekking around on those fairways. And for people who enjoy gardening, the views of the courses are better than watching the Home & Garden channel.
Bad: See baseball.
Final: It's a walk in the park. Almost literally.
Football
Good: There's a ton of strategizing to keep everyone entertained due to all the squads, which are mini-teams within each team. There's the offense, the defense, the kicking team, the punting team. There are substitutions after each play. Someone's always running in and running out. Different skills, different plans. Will they throw? Will they run? Will they kick the field goal or go for it on fourth down? Drama!
Bad: Concussions. Parkinson's.
Final: I watch it, but I feel guilty watching it.
Basketball
Awesome: They run a lot. They score a lot. The players' athleticism is on display every second of the game. Alley-oop plays are pure, show-boatin' entertainment. No helmets or pads (similar to soccer) allows for better viewing, with the added bonus of tank tops showing off more muscles complete with tattoos which can be deciphered if you want something more to do. Players keep all their teeth and don't suffer brain damage.
More Awesome: The best NBA team right now just happens to be the one I root for.
Final: The best sport ever.
Thursday, October 3, 2013
The Food Happens Diet
I don't understand diets. Diets make people think about food MORE. Isn't that counterproductive?
If I'm trying to eat less, I'm pretty sure it's not going to help me to plan my shopping list, add up calories, think ahead about all of my meals, all of my snacks. What am I going to eat for every meal today? Diets generally suggest that when I have that meal, or even a snack, that I need to think about that snack and analyze that snack and evaluate that snack and record that snack.
There's an endless array of diet books out there, too. Books filled with food and ideas about food and the calories in food and the health benefits of food. Food, food, food. Wow, I'm getting really hungry now. I want to eat because I've now spent 50 percent of my day thinking about what I am supposed to eat and not supposed to eat. And reading about it. And talking about it. And writing in a journal about it, because I have to record everything about the food that I've read about and planned for and shopped for and prepared and actually eaten.
None of this makes sense to me. That's why I live by the following dietary philosophy: Food happens.
I actually wait until I am hungry, and then I think to myself: "I am hungry. I should eat something now." Then, if I am home, I will look in my refrigerator and I will eat whatever takes the least effort to prepare. If I am not home, I will purchase food from a food establishment that is somewhere nearby. I will then eat until I don't feel hungry, and I will go on to think about other things that have nothing to do with food, like all of the activities in the other 22 hours of my day.
Now some people might say, "But don't you ever have to cook? Like for other people? Like your family?" And to those "some people" who may or may not be my husband and children, I answer: "Define cook."
My family doesn't know how lucky they are, because I have done all of the not thinking about food for them so that they never have to go on a diet. You're welcome, family.
If I'm trying to eat less, I'm pretty sure it's not going to help me to plan my shopping list, add up calories, think ahead about all of my meals, all of my snacks. What am I going to eat for every meal today? Diets generally suggest that when I have that meal, or even a snack, that I need to think about that snack and analyze that snack and evaluate that snack and record that snack.
There's an endless array of diet books out there, too. Books filled with food and ideas about food and the calories in food and the health benefits of food. Food, food, food. Wow, I'm getting really hungry now. I want to eat because I've now spent 50 percent of my day thinking about what I am supposed to eat and not supposed to eat. And reading about it. And talking about it. And writing in a journal about it, because I have to record everything about the food that I've read about and planned for and shopped for and prepared and actually eaten.
None of this makes sense to me. That's why I live by the following dietary philosophy: Food happens.
I actually wait until I am hungry, and then I think to myself: "I am hungry. I should eat something now." Then, if I am home, I will look in my refrigerator and I will eat whatever takes the least effort to prepare. If I am not home, I will purchase food from a food establishment that is somewhere nearby. I will then eat until I don't feel hungry, and I will go on to think about other things that have nothing to do with food, like all of the activities in the other 22 hours of my day.
Now some people might say, "But don't you ever have to cook? Like for other people? Like your family?" And to those "some people" who may or may not be my husband and children, I answer: "Define cook."
My family doesn't know how lucky they are, because I have done all of the not thinking about food for them so that they never have to go on a diet. You're welcome, family.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)