What's the hurry, honey?

I know I wrote about how I don't panic, but that doesn't mean I'm mellow. If I gave that impression, I apologize. I happen to be incredibly impatient and find that no one does anything fast enough. People walking in front of me are always walking too slowly. The person checking out at the register ahead of me is always digging in her purse too long. Whoever is in the bathroom stall that I'm waiting to use...what in the heck are you doing in there anyway?

There is one woman who works behind the deli counter at Publix who drives me absolutely crazy. She calls everyone honey, which is fine from a friendliness standpoint, but it also makes her go slower! I actually do a little internal incantation as I'm waiting my turn while clutching my numbered slip of paper: "Please, not the honey lady, please not the honey lady." If I get her, I become despondent. Noooo! I will be here so long! The five people behind me will all be done before I am, I just know it! And then, the worst case scenario is when I order my half pound of oven-roasted, low-sodium, Chipotle-dijon, free-range organic turkey breast and have her tell me: "I have to go get a new one from the back." Noooo! Not the back! She will wander off, almost never to be seen again. Then, when she finally comes strolling back, she will have to OPEN the new one.

"Is this sliced okay, honey?" she'll ask me. Yes, yes, yes, sliced whatever fine.
"Want a taste, hon?" No, no, no thanks, don't want a taste just give me my turkey!

I try to smile and modulate my voice like a normal, friendly human, but I'm not sure if she's onto me. I'm terrible at small talk in general, and I sometimes pause (briefly) to wonder why I am so impatient. I have attempted self-therapy: "I am not in a hurry. There is no rush. It doesn't matter if whatever is happening ahead of me is MOVING AT A GLACIAL PACE." (I am not very good at self-therapy.)

But this year will be different! It's the beginning of 2013, and I resolve to be more patient. And I plan to make this change right away.