Zayn did not retire!

I am leaving teaching. Might this be a midlife crisis? Perhaps. If so, I could be like everyone else and get a sports car or a new husband, but I don't care about cars and I already have the best husband. So change of career it is. However, there has a been a reaction to my leaving teaching that I didn't expect: everyone keeps congratulating me on MY RETIREMENT.

Zayn Malik

I am not RETIRING. That would mean I'm an old person. The whole point of having a midlife crisis is avoiding having people think you are an old person. Zayn Malik just left One Direction. Is anyone congratulating Zayn on HIS RETIREMENT? No, I didn't think so.

In all fairness, when people ask me what I'm doing next, I say I don't know. But I will do something. I will have some other form of employment after I have my gap year (or maybe gap months). College students get to have a gap year and no one congratulates them on THEIR RETIREMENT. Also, I haven't heard what Zayn is planning to do next. Solo career? Producing? You know what? Leave Zayn alone. He's thinking about it, okay? Just like I am.

Lenny Kravitz

Yes, I realize Zayn is 22, and I'm...not 22. But I am not old enough to retire either! I am in the middle. Hence the term: midlife. I am the same age as Lenny Kravitz. He wears leather pants and sings rock music.

To those of you sending good wishes, Zayn and I thank you. And as soon as we each figure out what we're doing, we'll let you know.