It's Always Sunny in Florida

Even though South Florida is composed of an exceedingly diverse and crazy population that can never, ever agree on anything, there is something in the air this time of year that brings us all together: excessive humidity. Remember how Herman Cain had his 9-9-9 plan? Well, down here we have our 90-90-90 plan: 90 degree temperatures, 90 percent humidity, and 90 percent sick of it. We are all united in our despondency and misery.

When it gets to be the end of September, there's the universal feeling of: Enough already! We start seeing pictures from other parts of the country in which people are wearing pants and maybe even long sleeves, and those people are not sweating! The foliage in the background of these pictures is starting to change colors. And to make things worse, the retailers down here start selling leather boots and wool sweaters and corduroy pants that somehow carry the scent and feel of autumn with them, without bringing the pleasant coolness.

At 6 a.m. on school days, I step out into the darkness in my tank top and boxer shorts to walk Daisy the cockapoo, and while standing in sleepy stillness on my driveway, I begin to sweat. Standing still! Wearing a tank top and boxer shorts! This is something the tourism bureau does not want you to know. (And by this, I mean the sweating, and that I go outside in my boxer shorts.)

This sticky feeling will continue for another two months. That's right, we'll have Humid Halloween and Thick Thanksgiving. So, enjoy it while you can, people elsewhere in the country. And then we will chat about this again in December.