The snails are back in town

The snails are back again. This is not a metaphor. The slimy flower-eaters were in full display last night on our walkway as I took Daisy the cockapoo out for her last pee of the night before bed.

"The snails are back!" I declared to Ricky as I walked back inside. He was already kind of sulky because the Heat had just lost Game 2 to the Pacers.

"Do you want me to go out and kill them?" Ricky asked. "What are they even eating? We don't have any flowers left."

I did not respond to Ricky, who last summer had turned into the big, tough snail stomper after we tried everything we could to save our flowers. We tried organic repellent, dangerous poison, even BEER. Everyone told us to try beer, but that only yielded one semi-drunk mini-snail. So then Ricky turned to stomping on them as a last resort, and, as you can imagine, that was not a very effective solution. It mostly just gave him a small sense of satisfaction as he heard each one go crunch.

Our flowers were goners, and we gave up on ever planting any again. We kill all plant life! We have tried and tried over the years, but last year was the last straw. The snails won.

But we still keep some houseplants inside. They mostly stay alive, except for the ones that haven't. This is why I put on my best brave face when my graduating newspaper seniors gave me a beautiful terrarium containing five air plants. I looked at the sweet little flowering things perched delicately in perfectly-sized holes in a glass bubble/dish and the following thought went through my head:

"My students don't know that I'm a plant killer!"

As I held the terrarium gingerly, wondering what to do, one of the girls said, "There are directions in there on how to take care of it."

I smiled. It's such a lovely gift. It's so pretty. I am an undeserving plant killer!

I went home and read the directions: "Remove air plants from container and soak in a glass of water for 5 minutes 2-3 times a week. Let dry out for 3-5 minutes before placing them back into container."

"Okay, air plants," I said to them. "I can do this."

It's now been a couple of weeks and they are all still alive and still have their pretty flowers. And the best part of it is, there are no snails inside my house! So, as the summer weeks come along, and Ricky stomps a few snails here and there out on the sidewalk, I will keep my little terrarium safe and sound.

I hope.